Player card 05 of 05
Green
Lime · Unpredictable. DUI in his wheelchair. Constant brain freezes.
“It's fine.”
Played by Joe. Allegedly.
1
of 50 shirts sold
$24
raised for Joe
Live count. Updates with every order. 2% of the run is gone.
05
100% to the bro
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Green's merch.
Sold as Green, by Green. 100% of the profit from this one goes to Joe. Not the brand. Joe.
The file
Who is Green?
Green is not the responsible one. Green is the opposite of the responsible one. He has a DUI in his wheelchair, a brain freeze at all times, and a speed nobody has been able to measure.
He is unpredictable in the way weather is unpredictable: you can prepare, and it will not matter. He arrives fast, leaves faster, and freezes mid-sentence like a buffering video.
Do not hand him the keys to anything. He will thank you, and then it will be gone.
Known for
- The wheelchair DUI (he calls it a highlight)
- Brain freezes mid-sentence, mid-word, mid-life
- Being the reason there is a speed limit in the backyard
- Saying "it's fine" when it is not fine
Weaknesses
- Speed bumps
- Ice
- Being asked to slow down
- The word "responsible"
Signature moveThe Brain Freeze: stops mid-sentence, stares into the sun, returns with a worse plan.
Would trust withThe good vibes
Would not trust withThe keys to anything
Drink orderLime, chugged, regretted
First appearanceRolled in hot. Has not rolled out.
The others
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